I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
