i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize