my mouth tastes like poor choices
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
