I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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