it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
