You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize