I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
