how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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