Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
