No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
