he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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