I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
