I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
