Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
