tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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