I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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