Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize