If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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