At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
