my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
