I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
