So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How naked do you want me to be?
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