just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
