do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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