I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
