I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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