I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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