Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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