I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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