i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
