i was born a porn star she said
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
