i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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