So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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