If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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