I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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