I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize