is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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