I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
