i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
