I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
