I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So vagazzling was a success
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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