Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
