hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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