I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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