Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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