WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
