can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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