Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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