I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
