I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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