that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
