I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
