i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize