This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
