apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
