my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
