how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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