I want you more than these girls want KFC
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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