I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
