i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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