I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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