And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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