i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
