You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
