You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
