Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
