she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize