Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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