Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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