also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
