Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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