Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
