I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
