The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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