He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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