smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm at about main and main street
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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