I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This baby is an asshole
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
