i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
