I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
