thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
