Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's no shave November. This is our time.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
