I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
