My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
