Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
