I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
