I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
