After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
