I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
