Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
