This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
