This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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