girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
