I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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