I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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