Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
