he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
