I wanna passion pit in your ass
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Everclear isn't food dammit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
