My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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