WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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