That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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