The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize